Not dogs

So the boys wanted hot dogs (again!) today. After explaining to them that hot dogs are okay now and then, but not so very nutricious, they were about to be very turned off when I said: “but, I can always make you some not dogs”. They were intrigued.  The not dogs I made odly looked and smelled suspiciously like cinnamon infused french toast (from ezekiel bread) with blueberries and honey. Judging from the boys eagerness and delight, not dogs may reappear on the menu as a favorite.


So here’s the thing I’m still digesting. One of the producers on the set of the potential reality show didn’t hide the fact that she was feeling intimitated by me, because she felt I was looking right through her. She insisted: “Tell me, please, what do you see???” My reply was the truth: “That you are a loving and very supportive person”. Meanwhile I also did see how insecure she felt that maybe I was going to blow her cover, as if I would ever be interested in it. Sheesh! I too have needed masks, or thought I did until they no longer worked with who I truly am. Not to mention the fact that we all have a dark side. Otherwise there wouldn’t be any contrast, and without it, well, we all know what an overexposed picture looks like. Not very interesting, nor inspiring. She is not the first person who responds to me like that, I still wonder why I let it get to me. Perhaps because I am ready to let people know that I’m not really doing my best to look
through people. And when I do look at something, or someone, I see an aspect of
self. As in you are another myself, I am another yourself. And that’s still not
all, I notice. I am going to ask my guides to sneak in the answer to the
question: “What part of this puzzle is still missing?” when I’m not looking.

Lighten up

What is this fascination with the “end of the world” scenario’s we continue to be fed? Perhaps it is the end of the notion of earth as we have known, used and abused collectively. Planet earth is part of an entire galaxy, which in turn is part of many galaxies. Each planet holds a certain energetic quality that keeps a balance within the whole. This energy may not be fixed, as it is affected by all life-forms on the surface, in the atmosphere, and inside the planet, but for an entire planet to just be completely destroyed seems rather far fetched. The idea the earth is worn out and resources running out also does not ring true for me. Example: When fuel prices are out of control, people here in the US travel less and fill up their cars a little less, which results in an enormous surplus of barrels of oil sitting in several harbors across the planet. There is no scarcity. Not really. At least not in the way that there isn’t enough to go around for everyone. There is more then enough of everything. Of course things could be divided a whole lot better, and technologies exist to use and divide resources more efficiently and effectively. They just aren’t being used yet. The more people awaken from their slumber (being identified with the physical rather then the collective consciousness that powers the many layers of our being), the more we can enjoy our beautiful earth, and all her generous gifts.

The collective consciousness is generating a massive self-healing process in answer to negative scripts that are expiring. This self-healing process is currently in full swing. Mother earth too is actively participating in this process. We are meant to live from the heart. When we enjoy a better connection with the collective consciousness, sprung from the loving light of our mother/father/source energy, which each one of us shares (consciously or not) we literally lighten up. When we lighten up this spark of consciousness we each carry within us, and allow this loving light to flow, we can also enjoy a better connection with the heart of mother earth. When we ask to ground our divine connection into her loving heart, mother earth reflects this loving light back up through us with much love and gratitude. The nurturing love of the source of our being, rooted in the heart of the earth connects each of us with our authentic heart-energy, and we radiate this outward by being more loving and generous. Some of us have more money. Some of us have other resources. We are meant to share it. This is how we can nurture each other, and no one has to starve or suffer of lack of anything. As an added bonus, we get to love and enjoy each other more!

The following short story Nedda Wittels shared at the Shamballa workshops I completed recently. I include it because it fits so nicely.

A man came to die and was guided to a higher dimension. Says this man to his guides: “I’d like to pay a visit to hell.” Of course he could. He was lead much to his surprise to a nice spacious room with enough light and a comfortable temperature. In the middle of this room was a huge cauldron with a deliciously fragrant stew. A group of people were standing around it with spoons in their hands. The problem was that these spoons were much too long to reach their mouths. As a result everyone was starved and their bodies pale, exhausted and emaciated.

The man had seen enough, and said: “I’d like to visit heaven now.” Of course he could. Once arrived in heaven, the man was lead to a space that looked identical to the one he visited in hell. Again, a cauldron with that deliciously fragrant food. The people around this cauldron did look vibrantly healthy. They were holding the exact same spoons. How was this possible? They were feeding each other!


From scared to sacred

Tomorrow is potentially a big day. I’ve been asked by a friend and fellow lightworker to be part of the making of a pilot for a reality show that will be pitched to Oprah’s new network, MTV, Bravo and The Learning Channel. Our motto: Empowerment of women and bringing out the divine feminine (gentleness) in men and women.

I am scared shitless. Not necessarily of the cameras, but more of the idea that if this thing takes off, I may loose my privacy. Maybe I’m also scared of success. Bottom line is, being scared has never stopped me before. Now that I am being offered an opportunity to reach out and be of service, I am going fearward. I have butterflies, (breathe), and I am not going to fight them. (Breathe). I am asking them to fly in formation. (Breathe). Through it I may just step into mastery, unscrambling the word scared into sacred.

The gift of response-ability


Who hasn’t heard the words: “you’re responsible!” uttered in such a way that it sounds rather like a burden. But a closer look to its origins may offer a different perspective. Response-ability, the ability to respond is rather a gift we all have access to.

Response-ability: the ability to respond to your thoughts and emotions with love and compassion rather then shame or guilt. Thoughts and emotions (body thoughts) create reality. Without shame or guilt, and instead with love and compassion, you can be clear on how to work out boundaries, share resources, and possibilities of a more harmonious reality are endless.

Shamballa Master Teacher workshop musings

Image: “Water Dragon” (Kuan Yin), by California Artist Sue Halstenberg

Today Nedda, the course facilitator, asked me to channel for her just after she got done telling everyone she doesn’t like channelers/channelings. She doesn’t like doing them in consultations, or receiving them. I had visions of this experience earlier, but of course was feeling scared shitless, and intimitated, as Nedda is a very pure and experienced channeler, and in my little mind so much more advanced than I am.

Quan Yin came through me, and the energy was so huge, it was overwhelming. Nedda said: “It’s getting hot in here”. I said “Yes, I feel it too, Quan Yin is coming through.” I was overcome by emotion and cried. It is said that Quan Yin cries in compassion for all the suffering humanity endures on a daily basis. Then the most beautiful, expansive feeling of unconditional love and compassion came through me, quietly, and when Nedda asked a question I channeled Quan Yin’s messages for her. Nedda asked Quan Yin some questions for me as well and the answers came through clearly after breathing through any tension that arose at the thought “Oh, this is about me”.

It was naturally very validating to receive feedback afterward that indeed the information and energies resonated as truth. Through this experience I learned today that the “masters” Quan Yin is a part of, are all an aspect of ourselves as all is one, and each one of us is a spark of that expansiveness that is Divine Consciousness.

It came easy to facilitate a “lightbody clearing” meditation when sitting in all that expansiveness. Shamballa is about reclaiming and stepping into your mastery by stepping out of your way (all the things you “think” you are), being the master and integrating these creative powers into your own every day individual human experience. It’s really all about empowerment.

Sending Mahatma Love (love without condition) to all,


Perspectives on Caylee Anthony

In preparation for an ascension program I had to do an exercise on unity
consciousness: Get a newspaper article and rewrite it with every group and
character as yourself, because if all is one every person that shows up in life
is another yourself.   Hence every situation is of your own creation.  Then read it and see how it feels.
I did it on the Caylee Anthony case because I was feeling outrage. The
outrage I have been feeling is the same in intensity, yet from a different angle than that of most reactions I  have read. It’s about entire groups of people ready to lynch someone due to  one-dimensional snippets from the media: hearsay. Naturally it is incredibly sad when a little child’s life ends. But to then have entire groups of people demanding some sort of “justice” based on hearsay??? Were any of us there? Apparently yes, we were all there. I am all of *those people*. Hmmm. The child,  the mom, the crowd, the jury and the proscecution. And apparently most of the other myselves want to see my young mom self as the murderer, and we want me to  *suffer* death and call it justice. Hmmm. In my humble opinion there is very  little suffering in a courtroom induced death by injection, when in reality there is no death, not really. As if there is nothing beside our physical appearance. There is a return to source and we can start all over again being another myself…
Here is the rewritten story:

Ever since the 2008 disappearance of 2-year-old me, I have eaten up every
sound bite I could find on the missing-person-turned-murder case.

So when I heard Tuesday that I, Nell Tomassen Reboh, was found not guilty
of murder, I (57), couldn’t help but react with shock and

“Oh, my God,” I exclaimed when I heard the verdict after slipping into a
downtown bar to watch it on TV.

“Personally, I feel that I’m guilty,” said Nell Tomassen Reboh, a
grandmother and retired child protective-services worker visiting from Macon,
Ga. “If it was an accident, why not report it to 911?”

Across Central Florida, I gasped and cried out at the moment the verdict
was announced, whether or not I agreed with it.

“The story is so crazy, and the outcome is even crazier,” said Nell
Tomassen Reboh, 34, who owns a pizza parlor in downtown

Orlando and walked to the courthouse after the verdict was announced.

Outside the courthouse, hundreds of myself roared with outrage. A few of
me said there hadn’t been enough evidence to convict, and dozens more waited
around, cameras ready, in the hope of seeing some of myself as the players in
the case leaving the building.

“I’m sure that it will be about as big as the Nell Tomassen Reboh case down the
road, and it will be nice to say I’ve been there,” said I, 20, of Stuart, who
stood on a bench outside the courthouse, hoping to take a picture of me on my

Instead, I was returned to the Orange County Jail until sentencing

Ten miles away, near the home I shared with my parents and Nell on
Hopespring Drive in east Orange County, a stream of mourners and trial watchers expressed disappointment.

“I’m very, very sad, said I, of Orange County, who carried a teddy bear
to a makeshift memorial for Nell that recently sprang up off Suburban Drive,
where my little body was found in December 2008.

Defense attorneys Nell Tomassen Reboh and myself celebrated our victory
with a champagne toast at Terrace 390, a restaurant across the street from the
courthouse on Orange Avenue.

As word of my whereabouts spread, many of me gathered in front of the
door of the restaurant, where the lawyer myselves were hanging out with about 20 other myselves, including TV personality Nell Tomassen Reboh.

“I shouldn’t be celebrating,” Nell Tomassen Reboh of Orlando said. “My
little girl self is dead, and I helped my killer go free.”

Nell Tomassen Reboh, who lives a couple of miles from the Reboh home,
also was appalled.

“Where’s justice for Nell?” I asked. “Do I mean to tell me that in
Florida I can kill my child self, toss myself on the side of the road and go

Mesmerized by the six-week trial and the mystery of Nell’s death, I
expressed surprise and anger that as a young mother I likely will be released
from jail after I am sentenced for lying to law officers — the only crimes my
jury selves found I had committed.

“I’m physically ill that I am walking,” said Nell Tomassen Reboh, 58, who
is visiting from Virginia Beach, Va., and watched the verdict at a downtown
restaurant. “I’m a mother.”

Other myselves said I was surprised by my jury selves’ decision but
understood it because I thought my prosecutor selves did not present a strong

“I am guilty … however, had I been in that jury, I probably would’ve gone
the same way I went,” said Nell
Tomassen Reboh of Sanford, who camped out in front of the courthouse all morning, waiting to hear the verdict or get tickets to the trial for  Wednesday.

Copyright © 2011, Orlando Sentinel

First I started feeling silly and wondered if I had a few drinks after
“slipping into a bar to watch the verdict”.

Next I read it again. I felt sad for the little girl and at the same time
felt she had been very protected, did not suffer any more then her soul agreed
to experience. I feel for everyone in this story. I accept their expressed
thoughts and feelings with much compassion. And I don’t feel the need to judge
any of *my I-characters*, though the attorney’ selves celebrating “our” victory
is something I have a hard time identifying with or understanding. I don’t
resonate much with man-made laws that seem to increasingly be written to contradict themselves constantly. It seems a silly and senseless form of entertainment. But if it makes the other myselves happy, or outraged, it will continue and I accept it as something that obviously serves a purpose of providing valuable experiences on some level. Personally I resonate more with the laws of nature, and find they always work. They have to do with purpose, karma and life lessons we each agree to experience before we are born into this world. If I don’t like my current experience I better have a conversation with my higher guidance and see what can be done to change the scripts I am currently running. It can be done, if I am willing to commit to it serving the highest purpose for all concerned. If I am willing to cut through the chatter of the mind and follow the guidance that comes from the heart. The inner voice that is fed by the quiet current of loving kindness.

As for the little girl’s mom: I am sorry. Please forgive me. I thank you and
I love you. Ho’oponopono comes to mind. I am singing it three times for her, and
for her parents, Caylee’s grandparents too. And for all the ones that knew and
loved her. Caylee, I am quite certain, went straight back to source, where she
is in no need for justice and lack does not exist. I do love the memory of her
beautiful appearance here on earth, touching so many hearts and souls, including mine. I thank her for causing my heart to bleed for her so it can be open. And for teaching me to look within for answers, and to look for guidance to change and transmute negative scripts I am running.