The births I get to attend as a doula stay with me forever. Somehow even the babies recognize me when I see them months afterwards. The most recent birth I attended was an incredible experience that neither I nor the birthing family ever imagined in our wildest dreams.

This was my client Leli’s second baby. The first was born as nature intended, at home, without complications or tearing.

Leli, a former student of mine, is Mexican, Mayan to be precise, with on and off labor patterns as is common in her lineage. Her first midwife had said she was already booked. This wasn’t too much of a disappointment to Leli, as this midwife had already shown a few “medwife” characteristics (such as needing to follow certain protocols due to being bound by corporate policy, insurance, etc.) .

She had then chosen a midwife an hour or so away from her because this one seemed quite relaxed and respectful about doing everything naturally. She was given the option of birthing at home, or at the beautiful birthing center in downtown Buffalo, inside a gorgeously remodeled townhouse.

Once she knew the midwives and all ObGyns were in full support of natural birth, Leli came to terms with having the birth at one of the hospitals that were most local to her. All agreed to an intervention free model of care for both mother and child, as long as there were no complications, and the baby was born 10 (TEN!) minutes after the water broke.

My client gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Davian Dahir made it Earthside on August 10, 2022, at 9:25 AM, 6 lbs. 15.3 oz, covered in vernix and lanugo, including some impressive sideburns! This time again: no tearing.

Reading this, you’re probably thinking: “Wait! Did I miss something here?” Yes.

The mother does not want to sue the medwife she fired, but she does want me to blog about her birth experience leading up to and following the firing. The woman seemed to have forgotten her vocation, one which most midwives I have worked with hold in high regard. She completely misjudged Leli’s situation, scolded her while she was in labor by saying she wasn’t really in labor, and should know with her 2nd child what “real” labor was. She attempted to guilt trip my client (accusing her of robbing her of sleep “unnecessarily”) and confused her with another recent client’s situation. This medwife put herself in a position of authority, saying that my client’s cervix was slightly open on the outside but firm and completely closed on the inside. We did not believe her assessment, as she had been way off on everything else.

All of this occurred at the posh birthing center in Downtown Buffalo, where I had observed the medwife telling Leli, who all along had been in a peaceful meditative state, coping with her contractions beautifully, that she reminded her of a recent situation with another client. She called it deja vu. “I sense something is wrong with your cervix, it appears to have a lot of scar tissue. Have you ever been raped?”

“No”.

“Well, I don’t know what’s going on here, but in my practice, having seen over a thousand babies born, I have never seen any 2nd babies taking this long with so little progress. They are usually born within four hours. I don’t know what’s going on with you. I think you may have an emotional or mental blockage that I am not equipped to deal with in the standard of care I follow in my practice, and I recommend we transfer you to the hospital here in town (Buffalo) to have a c-section”.

In my 40 years as a doula (from age 17) I have never witnessed such unprofessional behavior from a midwife, of all people!!! While I am usually a peaceful presence in any birth environment, if I hadn’t been so shocked, I might have smacked her, at least verbally. She misrepresented her model of care to my client. Leli was savvy enough to refuse the transfer to the hospital this medwife recommended, knowing full well that her obvious error in judgment would likely be confused with (and treated as) fact by the staff at said hospital.

My client had gone through a transfer with baby #1, whose birth I had also attended. She had accepted the hospital transfer to Rochester back then by her over-worked midwife, only to be told that she and the baby were in great shape, and there was no reason for her to be at the hospital. The midwife at the hospital with baby #1 had recommended that she have her baby at home, which occurred 6.5 hours after returning home. Her firstborn had been born healthy without complications or tearing.

With that experience in mind, she requested a transfer to Rochester, closer to home, which the medwife, oddly, was slightly reluctant to go along with. “I don’t really know how to do a transfer to Rochester. I don’t know anyone there”. Nice new red flag, thank you very much!

Leli asked me to call the hospital of her choice in Rochester to initiate the transfer. I immediately made that call, sharing the specifics about my client’s situation to a labor & delivery (L&D) nurse practitioner, including the unusual labor patterns that are considered normal in women of her ethnicity, with her kind of punani. Her mother and grandmother before her had all birthed their babies similarly at home in Mexico.

I then passed the phone to the quite lovely L&D nurse at the birth center and asked her to speak to the L&D nurse at the hospital to do what was required to expedite a transfer for my client.

Once at the hospital, my client was 6 cm dilated and there was no hard presentation of any part of the cervix. Everything was stretchy according to the ObGyn who examined her.

The ObGyns (several) observed her overnight, and then a midwife showed up with a lively L&D nurse from the Dominican Republic, who spoke beautiful Spanish and could translate for my client’s Salvadorian husband, whose English was limited. Another cervical exam determined that my client was at 5.5 cm, a stretchy 7. The midwife said there was no reason for her to continue her labor at the hospital. She shared the records that had been faxed over from the medwife, where, to our surprise, it was documented that she HAD BEEN 4cm dilated upon her release from the birth center.

During the observation, a midwife noted that my client was able to cope very well with contractions, and that labor slowed down and even stalled when she needed rest or nourishment.

“This is all still early labor, and could go on for days, perhaps even weeks. You can have your baby at home if you wish!”

“What great news!” the wonderful L&D nurse squealed. We thought so too, except Leli did not wish to be anywhere near the medwife, who she felt had betrayed her.

Leli mentioned this to the attentive L&D staff at the hospital, and said she was okay with laboring at home, but preferred to have her baby at the hospital, needing time to come to terms with the way she had been mistreated, and the drastic change in her birth plan. She had never imagined opting for a hospital birth.

She asked me if I would consider supporting an unassisted birth. I told her I could only offer this type of support when both she and her husband had educated themselves on how to have an unassisted birth, how to clamp the cord, care for the baby, deal with the placenta, and all that jazz. Knowing her husband would not be on board with free birthing, which I have supported in another case, my client knew this wasn’t going to work for them.

I reached out to everyone I could think of who might possibly have referrals, called several midwives and sadly found that my client lived in an area where midwifery was largely practiced in a very corporate setting, where the term “standard of care” came up every time as a reason to refuse a new client in labor.

Due to covid protocols, more women are opting for home births, so I imagine many midwives are very booked, as well. In all the near enough land, there was no midwife available or willing to take on this mama, who was perfectly capable of having a home birth.

One midwife from way Upstate, named Sunday (pronounced Sundy) invited my client to come to her birth center in Potsdam! This was a four-hour trip, and my client declined. Logistically, this was too much, with her 18-month-old and their dog in tow.

This midwife was very down to Earth, older, and generous with her wisdom. “I can see Canada from here (giggling). I realize it may be too far at this stage. Your client’s situation is much more normal than a corporate birth environment would ever recognize. In such an environment they make you believe that 2nd babies come like a freight train, practically falling out. That’s not how natural birth goes. Your client is doing great, taking her time. The only thing to watch out for, maybe, is your client getting too much in her head with the change in plans for her birth. You’re an experienced doula. You’re familiar with what I call the “Captain Morgan steps” – sideways up and down stairs, right?”

Yes, I knew, though I had never heard it called by such a name. She also confirmed what my client and I both knew: the work now was to call forth the protection required for the birth to take place as nature intended; to go within and to surrender.

The morning of the birth, both Leli and I were restless from the full moon, pulling the birth into motion. Being on her couch, half asleep, I watched Leli take a shower after she told me she felt the strongest pressure on her butt. She had originally wanted to allow the water to break before heading to the hospital. After that shower she wasn’t sure anymore. She wasn’t sure about anything. Sounded like transition to me! Hallelujah! At 7:30 my client arrived at the hospital, with her husband and their 18-month-old in tow. I arrived 15 minutes later, to find my client had been expedited through triage with baby #1 by her side, rubbing her belly during the now intense, strong contractions! They had broken protocol, as, this time, they had been unable to find anyone in their family to look after baby boy #1.

The sweet L&D nurse from the Dominican Republic was there and told me all this. She mentioned a crisis nursery in town. I assured her the parents would never agree to have their child in such a place. A fellow L&D nurse offered to take the child with her to the nearby nurse’s station. After all, she had witnessed him being so compassionate and in tune with his mother and about to be born sibling. Now dad could come and welcome baby #2 Earthside!

At this point Leli and I were in the L&D room. She was offered another room if she wanted, with a tub, as this one only had a very spacious shower. “No! I don’t need a tub!” She was getting pissed! She felt powerless. “I am feeling ALL THIS PRESSURE with NOTHING to hold on to. I JUST HAVE to bear down. Where is my HUSBAND!” She cried out his name with great urgency. “I need him NOW”.

After offering my hands and arms, which she rejected with a brief “No’, I pulled a sheet through openings in the bed rails, so she did have something to hold on to, then reminded her, go inside, deep breaths. The midwife arrived, and the room started to fill with residents, ObGyns, a pediatrician. A cervical exam determined: “5.5 cm, stretchy 7”, while my client screamed through the discomfort.

“Shall we break the water now?” The midwife offered. Leli yelled out: “YES!” I trusted my client’s judgment. Usually, the water breaks on its own with enough pressure, though on a rare occasion babies are born en caul. Leli had been on a grain-free, low carb, high protein diet to prevent gestational diabetes. This can cause the wall of the amniotic sac to be much thicker than usual.  With what looked like a thick, long, pointy crochet needle, the midwife had to give it quite a few pokes, before the membranes ruptured and the rush of water, along with the pressure, finally released!

I felt the baby would be born very quickly afterwards, but where was the dad?!!!

I texted him from my client’s phone, in my broken Spanish. “Ahora aki!”

Leli was even more pissed off at this point, feeling confined to the bed, and the damn sheet she had been pulling on wasn’t working anymore either. Mad at her husband for not listening to her when she asked him to bring her yoga mat, she felt like he didn’t believe her! With the trips to the birth center in Buffalo, the transfer to the hospital, and being sent home: she had been in labor for two weeks. They had all had enough.

As the midwife asked the L&D nurse if she could call Leli’s husband, he finally popped in, approached her, and took her hand. She withdrew it, yelling at him in Spanish to leave her alone. He moved to the other side of the bed, next to me, where I patted him on the back, and our eyes met. We had both seen this before. Mama had gone inward. Nothing mattered anymore. She and her babe were one unit.

A suggestion was made to check the cervix again. I said: “Please wait. I think the baby is coming”.

Boy was this baby coming! “Yes!”  The midwife cheered. There was the head. It was covered in a glob of vernix. FER (fetal ejection reflex) had been activated. With the next contraction shoulder, shoulder, and the rest of the baby slipped out.

The pediatrician wanted to suction him, but the midwife observed him making sounds, though not crying. “Baby is fine, no need for that.  Who wants to call the sex of the baby?” she asked.
In complete wonder, I looked at this perfect little baby and said: “it’s a boy”. It’s all I could say in this moment. He was placed on his mother’s abdomen, as the umbilical cord was thick and short, pulsating now. I asked the staff to facilitate optimal cord clamping, to delay clamping for more than their usual one-minute standard “delay”, until the (educated) mother was ready to have the father do the honors. All was well. Both parents were gazing at the baby and each other in complete bliss.

The ObGyn now started to tease the cord to get the placenta Earthside. I asked him: “Please wait, baby is latched, and nursing, like he has always been there. Surely contractions will follow.” Indeed, they did, and the placenta was birthed. The gold standard package sadly offers pitocin, as if the oxytocin that forms at the bonding between mother and child – and then the nursing(!) would not do it. It sure did, only better. As with each consecutive baby, cramping was more noticeable, and it took longer for the uterus to contract back to its pre-pregnancy size.  That was nothing compared to what she had been through. Some raspberry leaf tea offered relief.

Time of birth was called a mere 10 minutes after the water was broken and less than two hours after they had checked into the hospital.

The pediatrician wanted to know how long we wanted to wait to clamp the cord. I asked: “Any reason to be in a hurry?”
“No, though baby cannot reach the breast yet as the cord is too short”.
“Baby seems content. Hasn’t cried yet”, said the midwife. Then the baby cried his first cry, as if he had been waiting for someone to say he could.

Mom & dad were ready to clamp and sever the now grayish white cord. Dad did the honors with the scissors. It took a while as it was quite thick. I observed the ObGyn milk and collect the last bit of cord blood in a vial.

By her bedside, I observed a beamingly blissful mother with her perfect baby, basking in the power she had had all along: of Love. She was in her glory now, in charge, focused on caring for that baby! She made sure the placenta was appropriately labeled and saved for encapsulation before it left the room.

That afternoon this mama walked to the healing garden by the hospital entrance, to meet up with her 18-month-old baby #1, and to nurse him. To let him know he was Loved and that there always was a nipple for him too! There was pep in her step. No one would have believed she had been in labor on and off for two weeks. Every time she had needed sleep or nourishment, labor had slowed down enough to allow it, even stopping completely. Sometimes when labor had stalled, Leli would suddenly take on chores. One of those times, she had groomed her 51 lb. male, still growing standard poodle in the tub! Nothing was ever wrong. It’s natural for women like her.

* Leli had been on a grain-free, low carb, high protein diet to prevent gestational diabetes. This can cause the wall of the amniotic sac to be much thicker than usual. A beloved fellow doula friend, who I had kept in close touch with especially on this case, had pointed this out to me. In most cases the hospital menu of unnecessary interventions are better off declined. Breaking the water too early can backfire, prolonging and intensifying labor. Leli had declined breaking the water at an earlier time. The midwife on duty agreed with that decision, and this time offered it at the right moment, when Leli no longer could hold back the urge to bear down and EJECT her baby, while the membranes still didn’t budge!