What is love, and how does it work?

Question I read on Facebook today:

If we love another person unconditionally, but then we do not love ourselves unconditionally because that person is an alcoholic and a porn addict then we are loving them more than ourselves.We are supposed to love ourselves to love somebody else. How does this work spiritually? It does make some of us feel stuck?



There probably are many ways to aswer this excellent question. My answer:

The whole concept of love is often depicted backwards. First of all we each ARE Love without condition in essence. When we fully accept and embrace ourselves as BE(AM)ing the Love, there is no longer a need to “be loved” by anyone or anything external. The work is to release and make peace with all that is not Love, to send it back to where it came from, or transmute it.


Once fully present as a radiant Loving being, those who are in your presence will be triggered to release that which is blocking the Love. Some have not yet learned how to effectively and fully release the unloving parts. So they may be stuck in old programming that keeps them enslaved to external punishment and reward systems. Some will already know how to release and transmute the unloving parts. It is incredibly easy to enjoy connecting in Love with such individuals. With many distractions at our disposal, it’s also incredibly easy to be distracted from that connection in Love. It takes discipline (daily practice), to be fully present as a Love-ing being.
The more we are fully present and grounded in Love, the more we are able to recognize when someone is willing to do the work, or when the addiction behavior is controlling a person’s will.Then you can discern that it is more appropriate to connect in Love with such a person from a distance, until this person is ready to accept help in doing the work… or not.


  1. Sattva Chandra · September 5, 2016

    Hello Sis,
    Nice article and that is indeed how i percieve it personally too. If the addiction of a person become more and more a personality, there is no real connection anymore..the experience that i have is also..you cannot try to change a person if he/she doesn’t see the problem (that was the first thought/experience that i had), it doesn’t help to stay in the vibes when you are sensing that the addiction has too much energy and control in a persons life..
    it Does help to set bounderies for yourself. What do YOU feel when the situation is like that, can you handle it to see this person ‘ living’ the addiction? a lot of people and closed ones do that too..and struggle to take a stand in the moment of fear of losing the person they love..and most of the time, they understand why someone is addicted..
    True love of self comes in if you can indeed love a person And feel the love for yourself (indeed) by setting healthy bounderies for yourself and the person. ” Yes i love you, but if you are not clear in your head i keep a distance because it hurts me to see you like that / i dont feel any you in those moments ”

    Thanks for sharing ❤

    • elxroflife · September 6, 2016

      So glad to read this response dear sis. It’s amazing. I wrote it with the intention that it may invite others to share from their experience, and here you are sharing this! What you are sharing is very clear, and because it came from personal experience, it is much more tangible. May it help many who are struggling with addiction, or struggling with loved ones who do. Thank you so much!

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